Imperfect Abstinence

I was just talking to a newbie, one who is just awakening to the idea that the food problem is actually an addiction problem. We were talking about "Imperfect Abstinece", that is refraining from the addictive food and food related behaviors such as bingeing, purging, restricting, over exercising etc.

I have been "imperfectly" refraining from bingeing and purging since Feb 2010.  What I mean by imperfectly is that I've had occasional slips into my preferred substances (sugar/flour/fat/salt) and into the related behaviors. But fortunately they have been either isolated instances or slow escalation that I've mangaged to nip in the bud before full blown relapse occurs.

When I had a slip 10 years ago, I would beat myself up, experience guilt and shame, and have to "start over". Now, no more starting over. I just use the slips as a learning experience and move on and return to what I know works for me. This gentler approach has given me more success and way less guilt and shame.

When I would go to meetings and hear someone speak about imperfect abstinence I didn't get it. Either you'r doing a program or not, right? Typically I would hear someone describe a slip and then I would hear the refrain from their sponsor. "You slipped because you are a compulsive overeater and that's what you do." I thought that was pretty dumb, but I get it now.

I'm hard wired to cope with life through my binge eating and purging. Slips happen when I forget I have a program and other ways to cope and I revert to the old way. It just is. It doesn't have to be a big deal.

So now when I eat something off plan or eat too much or have a bonge (a mini-binge), I acknowledge it isn't my proudest moment and am humbled by the experience and move on to use better coping skills for the next time excess food calls my name.